Tristram Shandy

Chapter 15. Dr. Slop pities the fact that a person, like a candle, can be burnt at both ends. Tristram would prefer to be burnt only from the top, from his head down to his heart, his liver, and bowels. Toby interrupts Slop when he mentions the blind gut, asking him where in the body it is located. Dr. Slop replies that it is next to the colon, and Walter asks if he means in a man. Dr. Slop answers that it is in exactly the same place in a woman.

Chapter 16. Widow Wadman, to ensure her success in wooing Toby, plans to light him at both ends at once. Despite her inability to find any weapons with which to attack Toby, metaphorically speaking, widow Wadman is presented with a golden opportunity by chance. Tristram is unsure if he has told the reader before that while Toby and Trim conduct their sieges, Toby always made sure to hang a map of the fortifications under attack in his sentry box. Widow Wadman, coming into the sentry box, only has to grab the map and ask Toby about it to enflame his passions. Widow Wadman then grabs Toby’s pipe to point at something or over, forcing him to explain the map with his finger, and enabling her to place her hand next to his and ensure that they touch. Tristram compares this to skirmishing before a battle, the attacks on Toby’s flanks discombobulating his center.

Chapter 17. Tristram concedes that a skeptical person may doubt the true nature of widow Wadman’s attacks. He has proof, however, in the form of a finger- and thumbprint of widow Wadman’s on one of Toby’s old maps. This map is, to Tristram, a more precious heirloom than any Catholic relic.

Chapter 18. Trim reports to Toby that the fortifications have been destroyed, and that the housekeeper has used the treaty as kindling for the fire. Toby takes this as a sign that their services are no longer needed, much to his and Trim’s disappointment. Trim refuses to take his equipment away, however, resolving to do it early the next morning before Toby is awake. In the meantime, he moves closer to Toby to begin a speech.

Chapter 19. Trim, warning Toby that he’s about to speak foolishly (“for a soldier”), comments on the pity of destroying their fortifications but argues it would be just as much of a pity to leave them up. Toby agrees, but Trim continues, saying the reason why it would be foolish to leave the fortifications up is because since their sieges began, he has not entertained himself or Toby with anything else, including storytelling. Toby compliments Trim’s storytelling. Trim proposes to tell Toby about the king of Bohemia and his seven castles. Toby agrees, as long as it is not a happy story or a thoroughly sad story, but Trim assures him it is neither.

Trim pulls off his Montero cap and bows without getting up, a motion that Tristram points out is impressively difficult. Then Trim clear his throat and begins his story. Toby immediately interrupts him to point out that his cap in on the ground. Trim picks it up but, noticing its worn state, then he puts it down again between his feet. Toby points out that nothing is made to last in this world. Trim asks what he will do without Tom’s gifts, and Toby says there is nothing to be done about such mysteries of life. Trim agrees, then he begins the story again.

Trim does not know the historical details of the story, and Toby continuously interrupts him to assure him that he does not want to hear them anyway. He suggests Trim make them up as he sees fit, but Trim picks the very worst year possible in which to set the story: 1712, a very bad year for the campaign in Flanders. Toby confesses his distaste for this particular year, both for its association and because he suspects it renders the giants in the story implausible. Trim says there is only one giant, but Toby is unconvinced and suggests the date be moved back several centuries the next time Trim tells it. Trim insists he will never tell it again and starts once more.

Toby interrupts again, this time to tell Trim to leave the date out entirely, as it is unnecessary. Trim is perturbed but won over by Toby’s explanation that, as a soldier, it is understandable that he is not well-versed in history. Trim mixes up chronology with geography, however, and this prompts Toby to scold him for being so geographically incompetent as a soldier. He then adds that a soldier should know their chronology too, as it is an essential part of the science of war, especially in the case of gunpowder. Toby lectures Trim on the discovery of gunpowder, weighing the various historical arguments for gunpowder’s origin in the Middle East or China. Trim declares that the Chinese are liars. Toby agrees, citing the dismal state of contemporary Chinese fortifications as proof.

This brings Trim back to the seven castles, and he begins his story once more, describing the king as unfortunate. Toby, still distracted, seizes on the word and interrupts again, asking if the king was really unfortunate. Trim explains that the king of Bohemia was a great enthusiast of sailing but could not command a navy because Bohemia has no ports. Toby asks how there could be in a landlocked country. Trim answers that it would be possible if God had willed it, and Toby gingerly disagrees, pointing out that bringing the sea to Bohemia would drown millions of people in the surrounding countries. Toby cannot imagine God having such a lack of compassion. Trim continues his story, and Toby continues to interrupt him.

Trim continues his story. The king of Bohemia, he explains, firmly believed in predestination. Trim agrees with the king and tells Toby that he thinks the bullet that wounded him was meant to do so in order to place him in Toby’s service, where he is well taken care of in his old age. Moreover, if not for that bullet Trim would never have been in love. Toby has never heard of this before and asks Trim to explain.

Trim reminds Toby of the disastrous retreat from Landen, stirring Toby’s emotions with his narration of the battle. Trim continues, explaining that because there were so many wounded, he was left on the battlefield until the next day, when he was picked up by a cart. Trim declares that no wound is more painful than one to the knee. Toby retorts that the groin is worse, citing its proximity to other sensitive body parts. Widow Wadman, in her garden, listens attentively as Trim and Toby argue.

Chapter 20. Trim continues his story, describing the pain in his knee as he was taken off the field to a peasant house nearby. A young woman gives him a cordial and some sugar and persuades the soldiers in the cart to leave him behind so she can care for him. She stays there with Trim and the peasants, nursing him back to health.

Trim thinks she is their daughter and offers her money that Tom gave to him before he left for Lisbon. Trim tears up, as he has not yet told Toby that sad story. The woman gives the peasants some of the money to pay for their lodging and promises to take care of Trim. He soon realizes she is a Beguine nun (Beguines travel to care for the sick and are allowed to marry, unlike other nuns). The Beguine nun nurses Trim through the worst of the pain, but he is not in love yet, as he experiences no physical arousal.

Chapter 21. This is no surprise, Trim says, as love, like war, comes on unexpectedly. One Sunday, Trim suddenly realizes he is in love. Toby asks him to narrate how this happened.