How to Win Friends and Influence People

Carnegie’s friend was a guest at the White House during President Coolidge’s administration. While in the president’s office, he heard Coolidge praise his secretary’s dress before commenting on how he wished she would be more careful with her punctuation. His method is clear, but it works: it is easier to listen to criticism after someone receives praise.

McKinley and Lincoln did the same: McKinley thanked his speechwriter for a splendid campaign speech before saying it was a little too somber for the occasion and asking him to rewrite it. Likewise, Lincoln wrote to General Hooker during the darkest period of the Civil War, when the general was leading them through a period of several defeats. But before saying how dissatisfied he was with the general’s performance, he complimented the man on being a brave and skillful soldier.

In W.P. Gaw’s case, his company was contracted to build a large office building by a certain date, but it was held up by the subcontractor making the ornamental bronze work. Gaw was frustrated by the delay, but he visited the man at the factory and complimented the man on his work. When they sat down to lunch, the subcontractor said he was surprised by Mr. Gaw’s pleasantness, and he would make an effort to get the material to Gaw on time even if other orders were delayed.

In another example, Dorothy Wrublewski, a branch manager at the Federal Credit Union, was having a problem with one of her tellers. The teller was great with customers but took too long to balance out at the end of the day. When Wrublewski approached the woman, she was nervous and upset, but Wrublewski praised her and simply reviewed the cash balancing procedures. Once the teller realized that Wrublewski was confident in her, she had no problem correcting her issues. This is why a dentist uses Novocain before drilling—people need praise before criticism.