Mr. Martin Character Analysis

How bizarre, curious, strange! Then, madam, we live in the same room and we sleep in the same bed, dear lady. It is perhaps there that we have met!

I can therefore let you in on a secret. Elizabeth is not Elizabeth, Donald is not Donald. And here is the proof: the child that Donald spoke of is not Elizabeth's daughter, they are not the same person. Donald's daughter has one white eye and one red eye like Elizabeth's daughter. Whereas Donald's child has a white right eye and a red left eye, Elizabeth's child has a red right eye and a white left eye! Thus all of Donald's system of deduction collapses when it comes up against this last obstacle which destroys his whole theory.

MR. MARTIN: Don't you feel well? [Silence.]

MRS. SMITH: No, he's wet his pants. [Silence.]

MRS. MARTIN: Oh, sir, at your age, you shouldn't. [Silence.]

MR. SMITH: The heart is ageless. [Silence.]

MR. MARTIN: That's true. [Silence.] MRS. SMITH: So they say. [Silence.]

MRS. MARTIN: They also say the opposite [Silence.]

MR. SMITH: The truth lies somewhere between the two [Silence.]

MR. MARTIN: That’s true. [Silence]

FIRE CHIEF: I am going to reconcile you. You both are partly right. When the doorbell rings, sometimes there is someone, other times there is no one.

MR. MARTIN: This seems logical to me.

MRS. MARTIN: I think so too.

FIRE CHIEF: Life is very simple, really.

Oh, charming! [He either kisses or does not kiss Mrs. Smith.]

MR. MARTIN: If that is the case...dear friends...these emotions are understandable, human, honorable...

MRS. MARTIN: All that is human is honorable.

MRS. SMITH: Even so, I don't like to see it... here among us...

MR. SMITH: She's not been properly brought up...

MRS. MARTIN: Bazaar, Balzac, bazooka!

MR. MARTIN: Bizarre, beaux-arts, brassieres!

MRS. SMITH: A,e,i,o,u, a,e,i,o,u, a,e,i,o,u, i!

MRS. MARTIN: B, c, d, f g, 1, m, n, p, r, s, t, v, w, x, z!

[The words cease abruptly. Again, the lights come on. Mr. and Mrs. Martin are seated like the Smiths at the beginning of the play. The play begins again with the Martins who say exactly the same lines as the Smiths in the first scene, while the curtain softly falls.]

How bizarre, curious, strange! Then, madam, we live in the same room and we sleep in the same bed, dear lady. It is perhaps there that we have met!

I can therefore let you in on a secret. Elizabeth is not Elizabeth, Donald is not Donald. And here is the proof: the child that Donald spoke of is not Elizabeth's daughter, they are not the same person. Donald's daughter has one white eye and one red eye like Elizabeth's daughter. Whereas Donald's child has a white right eye and a red left eye, Elizabeth's child has a red right eye and a white left eye! Thus all of Donald's system of deduction collapses when it comes up against this last obstacle which destroys his whole theory.

MR. MARTIN: Don't you feel well? [Silence.]

MRS. SMITH: No, he's wet his pants. [Silence.]

MRS. MARTIN: Oh, sir, at your age, you shouldn't. [Silence.]

MR. SMITH: The heart is ageless. [Silence.]

MR. MARTIN: That's true. [Silence.] MRS. SMITH: So they say. [Silence.]

MRS. MARTIN: They also say the opposite [Silence.]

MR. SMITH: The truth lies somewhere between the two [Silence.]

MR. MARTIN: That’s true. [Silence]

FIRE CHIEF: I am going to reconcile you. You both are partly right. When the doorbell rings, sometimes there is someone, other times there is no one.

MR. MARTIN: This seems logical to me.

MRS. MARTIN: I think so too.

FIRE CHIEF: Life is very simple, really.

Oh, charming! [He either kisses or does not kiss Mrs. Smith.]

MR. MARTIN: If that is the case...dear friends...these emotions are understandable, human, honorable...

MRS. MARTIN: All that is human is honorable.

MRS. SMITH: Even so, I don't like to see it... here among us...

MR. SMITH: She's not been properly brought up...

MRS. MARTIN: Bazaar, Balzac, bazooka!

MR. MARTIN: Bizarre, beaux-arts, brassieres!

MRS. SMITH: A,e,i,o,u, a,e,i,o,u, a,e,i,o,u, i!

MRS. MARTIN: B, c, d, f g, 1, m, n, p, r, s, t, v, w, x, z!

[The words cease abruptly. Again, the lights come on. Mr. and Mrs. Martin are seated like the Smiths at the beginning of the play. The play begins again with the Martins who say exactly the same lines as the Smiths in the first scene, while the curtain softly falls.]