GONZALO

[To ALONSO] I beg you sir, be happy. You, like all of us, have good reasons to be joyful. The fact that we escaped the shipwreck with our lives far outweighs what we lost. Many people have also experienced what we have to feel sad about. Every day some sailor’s wife, the owner of some merchant ship, and the merchant who owns the cargo on that ship all experience the same sort of loss. But the miracle—the fact that we survived—has only been experienced by a few people out of millions. So, good sir, be wise, and weigh our sorrow against what should bring us happiness.

ALONSO

Please, be quiet.

SEBASTIAN

[To ANTONIO] Alonso enjoys these comforting words about as much as he enjoys cold soup.

ANTONIO

[To SEBASTIAN] But the visitor trying to bring comfort to the sick won’t give up on him.

SEBASTIAN

[To ANTONIO] Look. He’s trying to come up with some new idea for how to help Alonso, winding his brain up like some kind of clock. Soon it will strike...

GONZALO

[To ALONSO] Sir—

SEBASTIAN

[To ANTONIO] The clock strikes one. Count it.

GONZALO

If we allowed ourselves to think about, or entertain, every sad thing that happens, then the entertainer will end up with—

SEBASTIAN

A dollar.

GONZALO

Yes, dolor comes to him. Though you did not mean to, you have said the truth.

SEBASTIAN

You took what I said more seriously than I meant it.

GONZALO

[To ALONSO] Therefore, my lord—

ANTONIO

[To SEBASTIAN] Goodness, he just talks and talks and talks!

ALONSO

[To GONZALO] Please, stop.

GONZALO

Well, I’m basically finished. But still—

SEBASTIAN

[To ANTONIO] He insists on talking.

ANTONIO

Here’s a good bet. Which of the two, Gonzalo or Adrian, will speak first?

SEBASTIAN

The old rooster, Gonzalo.

ANTONIO

I’ll take the young rooster, Adrian.

SEBASTIAN

You’re on. What does the winner get?

ANTONIO

A good laugh.

SEBASTIAN

It’s a deal!

ADRIAN

Though this island seems to deserted—

ANTONIO

[To SEBASTIAN] Ha, ha, ha!

SEBASTIAN

You got your prize.

ADRIAN

Uninhabited, and almost inaccessible—

SEBASTIAN

Next he’ll say “but”—

ADRIAN

But—

ANTONIO

He couldn’t not say it.

ADRIAN

It seems to be mild and gentle, and to have a temperate climate.

ANTONIO

Ah, Temperance—she was quite an alluring girl.

SEBASTIAN

Yes, and, as Adrian described so smartly, she was a subtle one in bed, too.

ADRIAN

The air here is like a fresh, sweet breath.

SEBASTIAN

As if the island had lungs—rotten lungs.

ANTONIO

As if the air was perfumed by a swamp.

GONZALO

This island contains everything that is good for life.

ANTONIO

True. Except anything you could actually use to live.

SEBASTIAN

There’s none of that, or just a little.

GONZALO

The grass looks so rich and healthy! It is so green!

ANTONIO

The ground is actually brown.

SEBASTIAN

With a tinge of green in it.

ANTONIO

He doesn’t miss a thing.

SEBASTIAN

No, he just misses the actual truth entirely.

GONZALO

But the unbelievable thing is—and this is really almost hard to imagine—

SEBASTIAN

As by definition most unbelievable things are.

GONZALO

That our clothes—which were drenched in sea water—continue to be fresh and clean, and in fact seem almost new rather than stained by the salt water.

ANTONIO

If just one of the pockets on his clothes could speak, wouldn’t it say that he’s a liar?

SEBASTIAN

Yes, or just try to hide and suppress the lie.

GONZALO

I think our clothes are as fresh now as they were when we put them on in Africa to attend the marriage of the king’s beautiful daughter Claribel to the King of Tunis.

SEBASTIAN

The wedding was wonderful, and we’re doing just great on our journey back home.

ADRIAN

Tunis has never before had such a perfect beauty for a queen.

GONZALO

Not since the time of the widow Dido.

ANTONIO

Widow! To hell with that! Why is he calling her a widow? Widow Dido—ha!

SEBASTIAN

Next thing you know, he’ll be saying “widower Aeneas.” Good Lord, how can he interpret the story in that way?

ADRIAN

“Widow Dido,” did you say? I'd have to look into that. Dido was from Carthage, not Tunis.

GONZALO

Tunis used to be Carthage, sir.

ADRIAN

Carthage?

GONZALO

I promise you, it was Carthage.

SEBASTIAN

Gonzalo's word is like the legendary harp of Amphion, which, when played, caused the walls of Thebes to rise. Now Gonzalo—just by saying so—has created a whole new city.

ANTONIO

What incredible thing will he do next as if it was nothing?

SEBASTIAN

I think he’ll carry this island home in his pocket and give it to his son as an apple.

ANTONIO

And throw its seeds in the sea to make more islands grow.

GONZALO

Yes, that's exactly what I would do.

ANTONIO

Well, sure it is.

GONZALO

[To ALONSO] Sir, we were discussing that our clothes seem just as clean as they did when we were in Tunis at the wedding of your daughter, who’s now queen.

ANTONIO

The most remarkable queen that's ever been there.

SEBASTIAN

Except for the widow Dido, if I may say so.

ANTONIO

Oh, the widow Dido? Of course, the widow Dido.

GONZALO

Sir, isn’t my jacket as clean as the first time I wore it? I mean, in a way.

ANTONIO

He did a good job of sticking that "in a way" in there.

GONZALO

When I wore it at your daughter’s wedding.

ALONSO

You keep pushing these words into my ears that I don’t have any desire to hear. If only I had never sent my daughter to Tunis to be married! I lost my son because of it. And, as far as I'm concerned, I lost my daughter too, since she is now living so far from Italy that I'll never see her again. Oh, my dear son and heir of Naples and Milan, what strange fish has eaten your dead body?

FRANCISCO

Sir, he may still live. I saw him swim over the waves and ride upon their backs. He treaded water, withstanding all their rage, and fought through even the biggest waves that came at him. He bravely kept his head above the rough waves. And with his powerful arms and strong strokes he swam toward the shore, which seemed almost to lean forward to help him from the water. I have no doubt that he got to the shore alive.

ALONSO

No, no, he’s dead.

SEBASTIAN

Sir, you can thank yourself for this great loss, because rather than give your daughter to a husband in Europe you instead threw her to some African. It's a good thing you'll never see her again, since then she won't be around to remind you of this awful thing you've done to her.

ALONSO

Please, be quiet.

SEBASTIAN

All of us kneeled down in front of you and begged you not to do this, and the beautiful girl herself was forced to choose whether to follow her own disgust at the marriage or her duty to obey you. Now we’ve lost your son forever too, I fear. This marriage and subsequent shipwreck has created more widows in Milan and Naples than we have survivors to bring home to comfort them. All of this is your fault.

ALONSO

The heaviest loss is mine as well.

GONZALO

My lord Sebastian, despite the truth in your words, what you're saying is unkind and inappropriate at this time. You’re rubbing salt in his wounds when you should be bringing him bandages.

SEBASTIAN

All right.

ANTONIO

That Gonzalo is quite the doctor, isn't he?

GONZALO

[To ALONSO] Noble sir, we all feel under the weather when you’re feeling gloomy.

SEBASTIAN

Under the weather?

ANTONIO

Far under.

GONZALO

If I colonized this island, my lord—

ANTONIO

He’d grow useless, stinging nettle plants all over it.

SEBASTIAN

Or weeds.

GONZALO

And if I were the king of the colony, would you like to know what I’d do?

SEBASTIAN

He wouldn’t get drunk because there isn't any wine.

GONZALO

In my commonwealth I’d do everything in the opposite way from what's normal. I wouldn’t allow any business. There would be no judges. There would be no school or learning. No riches, poverty, or servants. None of that. No contracts, inheritance, privately owned land, farming, or vineyards. None of that. There’d be no metal-work, no grinding of corn, no wine-making, or making of olive oil. There'd be no work. Men would do nothing at all. Women too, except those things that are innocent and pure. There’d be no kingship—

SEBASTIAN

Though he'd be the king of this land with no kingship.

ANTONIO

His colony is ending up a long way from where it began.

GONZALO

Nature would produce everything people needed, and all of it would be shared equally by all. There’d be no treason, crimes, swords, spears, knives, guns, or need for any other weapon. Without any human help, nature would grow bountiful harvests to feed my innocent people.

SEBASTIAN

Would there be no marriage among those he ruled?

ANTONIO

None, my man. They'd do nothing. They’d all be whores and scoundrels.

GONZALO

My leadership would be so perfect that my colony would be even better than the mythical ancient Golden Age.

SEBASTIAN

May God protect his Majesty!

ANTONIO

Long live Gonzalo!

GONZALO

[To ALONSO] And—are you listening to me, sir?

ALONSO

Please, no more. What you're saying to me is meaningless.

GONZALO

I agree with you completely, your Highness. I said those things to give these gentlemen a good time, since they have such strong lungs that they so often use to laugh at meaningless trivialities.

ANTONIO

We were laughing at you.

GONZALO

But in all of your silly little jokes, you see me as nothing. So go on, laugh at nothing.

ANTONIO

What an insult he just made!

SEBASTIAN

Too bad it fell so flat.

GONZALO

You are courageous gentlemen. You’d give the moon a helpful push if it got stuck in the same spot of its orbit for five weeks.

SEBASTIAN

We certainly would, then we’d go hunting birds at night by luring them to us with a lantern and smacking them out of the sky with a stick.

ANTONIO

[To GONZALO] My good lord, please don’t be angry.

GONZALO

I promise you, I’m not. I wouldn't risk my reputation for self-control for such a tiny thing. Will you laugh me to sleep? For I’m feeling very tired.

ANTONIO

Go to sleep, and we'll laugh.

ALONSO

What, is everyone asleep so quickly? I wish my eyes would close and I could sleep, so that I could stop thinking. In fact, my eyes are starting to close.

SEBASTIAN

Please, sir, don't refuse the opportunity to sleep. Sleep rarely comes to people who are grieving. When it does come, it gives comfort.

ANTONIO

The two of us, my lord, will guard you while you rest and make sure that you're safe.

ALONSO

Thank you. I’m extremely tired. [He falls asleep]

SEBASTIAN

It's so strange how all of them suddenly got so tired!

ANTONIO

There's something in the climate here.

SEBASTIAN

Then why aren’t our eyelids closing? I’m not feeling tired at all.

ANTONIO

Me neither. I’m full of energy. They all fell asleep together, as if they’d all agreed on it earlier. They fell asleep as if they’d all been struck by lightning. What might happen, noble Sebastian, what might happen if—? No, I shouldn't say any more. And yet, I think I can see in your face what you have the potential to be. Opportunity is knocking on your door, and my imagination sees a crown coming to rest on your head.

SEBASTIAN

What, are you awake or asleep?

ANTONIO

Don’t you hear me speaking?

SEBASTIAN

I do, and it certainly sounds like the language of dreams, like you're talking in your sleep. What is it that you said? This is a very strange sleep. How can you be standing, speaking, and moving, with your eyes wide open, and yet be fast asleep?

ANTONIO

Noble Sebastian, by not seizing this opportunity you’re letting this chance sleep—no, die—even while you are wide awake.

SEBASTIAN

You have a strange way of snoring. It sounds like you're speaking actual words.

ANTONIO

I'm more serious right now than I usually am. You should be too, if you listen to me. If you follow my advice you will become three times as powerful as you are now.

SEBASTIAN

Like standing water, I'm not moving at all.

ANTONIO

I'll teach you how to move, to act.

SEBASTIAN

Do that. As a younger brother who cannot inherit the throne, I’m naturally lazy.

ANTONIO

Oh, if you only knew how ambitious you truly are, even while you mock ambition! The more you make fun of it, the more obvious it is how much you care! Men who do nothing usually wind up at the bottom, controlled by their own fear and laziness.

SEBASTIAN

Please, continue. There’s something in your face and eyes that indicates you're talking about something serious, and that—like giving birth—you're finding it hard to actually get it out.

ANTONIO

Here it is, sir: [Points at GONZALO] Although this lord with the bad memory—and who won't be remembered by anyone when he’s dead and buried—almost persuaded the king (because his entire mind is focused only on persuading people) that the king's son is alive, it’s impossible that he didn't drown. Saying he survived is like saying that this man sleeping over here is actually swimming.

SEBASTIAN

I also hold no hope that he survived.

ANTONIO

Oh, but from that “no hope” arise amazing hopes for you! No hope for Ferdinand's survival is, for you, so high a hope that not even ambition for greatness could imagine anything higher—or even entirely believe that this possibility exists. Do you agree with me that Ferdinand has drowned?

SEBASTIAN

He’s dead.

ANTONIO

Then, tell me, who is now the heir to the throne of Naples?

SEBASTIAN

Claribel, Alonso's daughter.

ANTONIO

Claribel, who is now Queen of Tunis, and who lives thirty miles farther than a lifetime's journey from Italy. She wouldn't even receive a letter from Italy (unless it could somehow be delivered by the light of the sun; the man in the moon's too slow to deliver it) in less than the time it takes a baby to grow old enough to shave. Claribel was the cause of our ship getting swallowed by the sea, though some of us survived—and our survival suggests that it is our destiny to perform an act that, in fact, reenacts the past.

SEBASTIAN

What is this? What are you talking about? It's true that my brother's daughter is the Queen of Tunis as well as the heir to the throne of Naples, and that a great distance separates those two places.

ANTONIO

A distance whose every inch seems to scream, “How can Claribel ever follow us back to Naples? Stay in Tunis, and let Sebastian get his good fortune." Imagine that instead of these men sleeping here, they were dead. Well, they'd be just as badly off as they are now. There are many who can rule Naples just as well as this man who's sleeping. And there are lots of lords who can babble as much as Gonzalo. I could teach a crow to blabber such nonsense. Oh, I wish your thoughts were the same as mine—then you'd see how these sleeping men are an unparalleled opportunity for you. Do you understand what I'm saying?

SEBASTIAN

I think I do.

ANTONIO

And how do your feelings about what I've just said affect your chances at good fortune?

SEBASTIAN

I remember that you overthrew and replaced your brother Prospero.

ANTONIO

True. And look how well that position suits me—far better than the one I had before. Back then, my brother’s servants were my equals. Now they work for me.

SEBASTIAN

But what about your guilty conscience?

ANTONIO

Ah, yes. Where is my conscience? If a conscience were a blister on my heel, I'd put my slippers on. But I don't feel this "conscience" in my chest. Even if there were twenty guilty consciences standing between me and the dukedom of Milan, I'd combine them like candies and melt them away before they'd bother me. Here lies your sleeping brother, who'd be of no more value than the ground he's lying on if he were in fact what he now looks like—dead, that is. And I, with just three inches of this sword, could put him to rest forever; while you, doing the same, could give ancient Gonzalo a permanent sleep to ensure that he wouldn't stand against us. As for everyone else, they'll accept whatever we say just as easily as a cat accepts milk. They'll chime in agreement when we instruct them to, just like a clock telling time.

SEBASTIAN

I'll use your experience as a model, my friend. Just as you got Milan, I’ll get Naples. Take out your sword. With one thrust of your sword, you will be free from having to pay tribute money to Naples ever again. And I, as King of Naples, will be your great friend.

ANTONIO

We'll both draw our swords. When I raise my sword, you do the same, and bring it down to kill Gonzalo.

SEBASTIAN

Oh, just one more thing. [He speaks quietly to ANTONIO]

ARIEL

[To GONZALO] With his magic, my master could see the danger that you, his friend, are in. He sent me to keep you all alive—or else his plans would die along with you. 

[Singing in GONZALO’s ear] 
While you lie here snoring, 
Cold-blooded conspirators 
Are about to seize their chance. 
If you want to live, 
Wake up and beware! 
Wake up! Wake up!

ANTONIO

Now let’s do this quickly.

GONZALO

[Waking up and seeing them] Angels above protect the king!

ALONSO

[Waking up] Why, what’s happening? Hey, wake up!

GONZALO

What’s going on here?

SEBASTIAN

While we stood here on guard while you were asleep, we just now heard a tremendous thundering that sounded like bulls, or lions. Isn't that what woke you? It sounded awful to me.

ALONSO

I didn’t hear anything.

ANTONIO

Oh, it was loud enough to frighten a monster, or to cause an earthquake! Surely, it must have been the roar of an entire herd of lions.

ALONSO

Did you hear it, Gonzalo?

GONZALO

Sir, I swear that I did hear a strange humming sound, which woke me up. I shook you, sir, and cried out. When I opened my eyes, I saw their raised swords. There was a noise, that’s true. It would be best if we either set a constant guard here, or left this place entirely. Let’s take out our own swords too.

ALONSO

Lead us away from this place, and let's go search some more for my poor son.

GONZALO

May God protect Ferdinand from those lions. Because I’m sure he’s on the island.

ALONSO

Lead on.

ARIEL

[To himself] My lord Prospero will know what I’ve done. So, King, continue on in safety and search for your son.