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Part II
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in The Poet X, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Sexuality and Shame
Religion and Coming of Age
The Power of Language
Family, Abuse, and Expectations
Summary
Analysis
Silent World. All weekend, Xiomara purposefully hears nothing. Aman tries to speak to her, but she pretends not to hear. She thinks it’s almost peaceful to stop trying to understand the world.
Shutting down like this is Xiomara’s way of protecting herself, showing that silence, like language, can be a way of making the world easier to handle.
Themes
Sunday, November 11. Heavy. Xiomara asks Father Sean to meet her for confession as Mami looks on. He asks Xiomara to meet him in the rectory. Xiomara isn’t sure how much she’ll say. She enters the rectory and avoids looking at the saints.
Asking Xiomara to meet him in the rectory suggests that Father Sean is going to try to connect with Xiomara more openly than he might in a formal confession, which begins to offer hope that Father Sean is more on Xiomara’s side than she thinks.
Themes
My Confession. Xiomara notes that a person would think she’s pregnant by how Mami is acting. Papi just tells Xiomara to listen to Mami. Xiomara wants to tell them it’s not such a big deal—she didn’t get an STD or a baby; it was just a kiss. She doesn’t think this is one of the seven sins. Father Sean joins Xiomara and offers her tea. Xiomara stares at her hands and says that she lusted and disobeyed her parents, but she’s not even sure if she disobeyed since they never forbade her from kissing on the train. Father Sean asks if Xiomara is really sorry. She shakes her head and says that she’s sorry she got in trouble and has to pretend that she cares about confirmation, but she’s not sorry she kissed a boy.
Father Sean Says. Father Sean says that God is forgiving and understands that people are weak. However, he only forgives people if they’re actually remorseful. Father Sean suggests this is about more than just a kiss.
Themes
Get the entire The Poet X LitChart as a printable PDF.
Prayers. Father Sean is Jamaican and speaks with an accent that makes people laugh. When he speaks to Mami, he’s gentle and serious. He says that Xiomara isn’t ready to be confirmed and should have time to answer some questions. He assures Mami that it’s not what Xiomara confessed; it’s her questions and comments. Father Sean would like her to come to class but not be confirmed. Mami looks like someone stole her joy. Father Sean reminds Mami that anger is a sin, just like whatever Xiomara did. Xiomara isn’t sure if Father Sean just blessed her or signed her death sentence.
Themes
How I Can Tell. Xiomara knows that Mami is angry because she speaks quickly in Spanish. Mami scolds Xiomara to not embarrass her in church again and tells Xiomara to fix herself. She says that she won’t tell Xiomara again, but there will be big changes.
Themes
Before We Walk in the House. Mami tells Xiomara that she can’t turn away from God. She says that she was ready to marry God when she married Papi. It was God’s punishment to make her marry Papi, withhold children, and make her question if anyone would ever love her. But Mami says that she and Papi married in a church, so she’ll never walk away. Confirmation is the last thing she can give Xiomara, but Xiomara is sinning just like her parents. Mami doesn’t know if Xiomara is more like Papi or like her.
My Heart Is a Hand. Xiomara feels her heart turn into a fist. It shrinks like a raisin or like a t-shirt that’s too tight. Her fingers have nothing to hold, so her nails leave marks in her palm.
Themes
Wednesday, November 14. A Poem Mami Will Never Read; In Translation. Xiomara gives the same poem twice, first in Spanish and then in English. She says that her mouth will never surrender or apologize to Mami or to God. Mami wants Xiomara to think that it’s her mouth’s fault, but Xiomara points out that Mami’s mouth hurts her. Xiomara can’t talk since she knows that Mami won’t listen. Mami’s silence is dark, but Xiomara notes that moths always seek the light, even though they might burn.
Themes
Heartbreak. Xiomara admits that she didn’t mean to hurt anyone and doesn’t understand how she hurt people, since it was just kissing. She ignores Aman at school and her family at home. Xiomara feels like an actress deserving of an Oscar and wonders if she’s worthy of forgiveness.
Themes
Reminders. Xiomara does homework in bed while Twin watches anime without headphones so Xiomara can listen. It’s against Mami’s rules, but she won’t reprimand Twin. A Winter Olympian appears in a commercial and Xiomara makes a noise. Twin asks if Xiomara is okay, but Xiomara puts her face in a pillow and tells herself to breathe.
Themes
Writing. Xiomara spends every day in class writing in her poetry notebook. Ms. Galiano sends Xiomara to the counselor, who threatens to call home when Xiomara refuses to talk. Xiomara thinks that writing is the only way she can keep from crying. Twin stops speaking to her, afraid to upset her, and Mami makes plans to send Xiomara to the Dominican Republic for the summer. Xiomara feels unmoored thinking about being away from home.
Themes
What I’d Like to Tell Aman When He Sends Another Apology Message: Xiomara wants to tell Aman that he doesn’t need to apologize. Xiomara is good at silence and for her, he was just a failed rebellion. She admits she’s lying: she wants to be with Aman, but she won’t win that fight. She didn’t want to get into any of these fights.
Themes
Wednesday, November 21. Favors. Twin pulls out Xiomara’s headphones and offers her a cut apple. Xiomara is surprised, but eats the entire thing to ease Twin’s fears. Twin asks Xiomara to write a poem about love or about being thankful for someone. Xiomara is ready to throw her apple seeds at Twin and she briefly thinks she’ll vomit. She shoves the plate at Twin and asks if he wants her to write a poem for his ”White Boy.” Twin looks shocked, but says that his boyfriend is named Cody and he wants Xiomara to write something beautiful for herself.
Themes
Pulled Back. Xiomara helps Mami in the kitchen when the phone rings. Mami answers and hands the phone to Xiomara. Caridad shrieks that Xiomara can’t ignore her just because Mami took her phone. Xiomara tears up at how normal this feels. Caridad softly says that she’s worried. Xiomara nods, apologizes, and knows that Caridad understands that she’s thanking her.
Themes
Thursday, November 22. On Thanksgiving; Haiku: The Best Part About Thanksgiving Was When Mami: Xiomara and Twin help Mami serve American food to homeless people at church. Xiomara feels sick and thinks that everyone can see that she’s just grateful for Mami’s silence. Everything makes her want to flip the table and crush peas into the ground. Later, Xiomara is ecstatic to get her phone back until she remembers that she doesn’t have anyone to talk to.
Themes
Rough Draft of Assignment 4—When was the last time you felt free? Xiomara recalls being five or six. Papi had watched a karate movie and Mami was at church. Xiomara and Twin were home alone, so they tied shirts around their heads and sashes from dresses around their waists like karate belts. They hopped on the furniture, avoiding the lava. Xiomara has no idea why they were ninjas in volcanoes. Mami got home and Xiomara leapt at her. She felt free while she flew, knowing that Mami would catch her. Xiomara doesn’t remember if Mami caught her, but she reasons that Mami probably did—she’d remember falling.
Themes
Rough Draft of Assignment 4—When was the last time you felt free? Xiomara thinks that she was last happy when she recited a poem for Aman. She remembers feeling nervous, but knowing that she could perform and that Aman would listen.
Themes
Rough Draft of Assignment 4—When was the last time you felt free? Xiomara wonders if a stoop can be a place for freedom. She loves sitting on the stoop and watching people, with nothing else to do but enjoy the sunshine. Guys don’t bother her much there. She remembers sitting with Aman on a stoop and thinking that she felt free when she let herself lean toward him. She thinks that it’s freeing to be able to choose where to go and when, and in sitting still when everything tells her to move quickly.
Themes
Final Draft of Assignment 4 (What I Actually Turn In). Xiomara says that freedom is complicated. She hasn’t experienced imprisonment like Nelson Mandela or like fighting dogs, but it seems like a big word. She thinks that it might be a skyscraper that she’s seen from the bottom, but has never climbed.
Themes
Gone. Xiomara hates lunch now too. Boys try to squeeze in and look at her poetry notebook or other girls’ drawings. Sometimes teachers intervene. Ms. Galiano always does, but not all the teachers care about the quiet girls. Xiomara knows she can’t get in any more trouble, so she tries to ignore the boys and wishes she could disappear.
Themes
Monday, December 10. Zeros. Xiomara expects a zero on her last assignment, but Ms. Galiano leaves a note asking if things are okay and asking if Xiomara will stay after class to talk. Xiomara tries to figure out how to sneak out and folds the paper until it’s small enough to fit in her palm.
Themes
Possibilities. Ms. Galiano asks Xiomara to stand with her while she dismisses the other students. Once they’re alone, Ms. Galiano asks what’s going on. Xiomara’s family believes that what happens at home stays at home, so she shrugs. Ms. Galiano asks if Xiomara would come to poetry club, since her writing is so good. Xiomara thinks that she has confirmation class, but remembers that Father Sean isn’t expecting her. Mami wouldn’t know she skipped as long as she’s there when Mami picks her up. Xiomara plans to be at poetry club tomorrow and agrees to redo the assignment.
Themes
Can’t Tell Me Nothing. Xiomara wonders when she last looked forward to something, since meeting Aman seems so long ago. She has a new lab partner now, but she catches Aman looking at her. Xiomara is still angry, but she wonders if she also messed up. She reasons that it’s not worth it to try to fix it, since they can’t be together. Xiomara reasons that it’s better they broke up since she can’t give him everything. She’s looking forward to poetry club.
Themes
Tuesday, December 11. Isabelle. A girl in a pink tutu and Jordans asks if Xiomara is the “big-bodied freshman” that the boys talk about. Xiomara almost laughs. She shrugs and says she’s a sophomore. The girl motions to a seat next to her, introduces herself as Isabelle, and says it’s cool that Xiomara is a poet.
Themes
First Poetry Club Meeting. Xiomara thinks that it feels like moments are lining up to knock her down in a good way. She feels like she should be upset about Isabelle’s comment, but she likes how direct Isabelle is—everyone else talks behind Xiomara’s back. There are only three other people at the poetry club meeting: Stephan, Isabelle, and Chris, who did the poem for Xiomara’s class. Ms. Galiano asks everyone to read a poem as an introduction. Stephan’s poetry is filled with lush visuals, while Chris is loud and uses big words. Isabelle’s poem rhymes and Xiomara can tell she likes Nicki Minaj too. Xiomara wonders at the fact that writing can bring such different people together.
Themes
Nerves. Xiomara thinks this feels different than reading to Aman—she didn’t feel like she needed to impress him. She takes a deep breath and thinks that her poems were intended to be seen, not heard. Isabelle reassures Xiomara and Ms. Galiano nods. Xiomara grips her poetry notebook and reads.
Themes
When I’m Done. Isabelle snaps, Ms. Galiano smiles, and Chris comments on her narrative structure. Xiomara thinks that she doesn’t remember the last time people listened to her speak. It’s nice to know that she doesn’t need Aman to feel heard. She thinks that her words feel important, and she could get addicted to this.
Compliments. Ms. Galiano compliments Xiomara on taking the leap to perform. Xiomara is used to compliments, but not ones about her thoughts. She smiles, but wipes it away. Xiomara feels like an adult heard her for the first time and feels happy. She wants to stay and talk, but she sees that she needs to hurry or Mami will know she skipped confirmation class.
Themes
Caridad Is Standing Outside the Church; Hope is a Thing with Wings. Caridad says that class got out early. She told Mami that Xiomara was in the bathroom. Xiomara apologizes for making Caridad lie. Caridad asks if Xiomara is seeing Aman again. Xiomara says she was at a poetry club meeting, so Caridad invites Xiomara to an open mic event on Friday. Xiomara insists that Mami won’t let her go, but Caridad believes Mami will as long as Caridad and Twin are there. Xiomara doubts it, but she feels herself fill with hope.
Themes
Haikus. Xiomara writes that cafeterias aren’t safe anymore. She skips eating there and instead writes poetry in a bathroom stall. She explains what haikus are and that they often tie together contrasting ideas. Xiomara believes that she’s like a haiku with different sides, but she’s not tied together neatly.
Themes
Offering. Xiomara packs up to leave the bathroom and the door swings open. Xiomara tries to escape, but Isabelle greets her and asks if she was really eating lunch in the bathroom. Xiomara ignores her and dumps her tray, thinking that they’re not friends. Isabelle puts a hand on Xiomara’s shoulder and says that she eats in the photography room, which is quiet and a good place to write. She invites Xiomara to join.
Themes
Holding Twin; Cody. Xiomara gets home and reaches for the phone to call Mami, but she hears Twin sobbing and runs to him. Xiomara knows something happened with Cody and asks if Twin got in another fight or if Cody hit him. Twin says that Cody wouldn’t hit, but this is worse. Twin explains that he met Cody’s family last week. Xiomara offers an aside that she doesn’t understand families who accept their kids’ sexuality. Twin loved them, but he learned that Cody’s dad is getting a new job and the family is moving. Cody didn’t want to do long distance and broke up with Twin. Xiomara rocks Twin and sighs that they should know to be smarter with their hearts.
Themes
Problems; Dominican Spanish Lesson. Twin shakes and struggles to calm down. Xiomara pats his back and takes his glasses off. She tells him that he needs to calm down before Mami gets home and realizes that she forgot to call Mami. Xiomara defines the word brava, which is an adjective that means fierce or ferocious. Mami is “mad brava” when she gets home, first because Xiomara didn’t call and then when she thinks Xiomara did something to Twin. Xiomara becomes brava when Twin doesn’t correct Mami. Mami threatens to send Xiomara to the Dominican Republic after winter break and then sends Xiomara to clean the bathroom.
Themes
Permission. Caridad calls later and asks Mami if Xiomara can come to the poetry event. Mami shoots dirty looks at Xiomara, but agrees that she can go as long as Twin goes too. Xiomara is afraid that Twin won’t want to go, but Twin agrees quickly. Xiomara thinks that he must want something to get his mind off of Cody.
Themes
Friday, December 14. Open Mic Night. Caridad, Twin, and Xiomara have to take two trains and then walk to get to the Nuyorican Poets Cafe. The line snakes around the block and is longer than those for nightclubs. A beautiful black woman hosts the event and Xiomara is surprised when the woman calls her name.
Themes
Signed Up. Caridad tells Xiomara that she signed her up to perform. Xiomara starts shaking and wants to leave, but Caridad and Twin drag her in. Xiomara compares herself to every poet who performs. Some of the poems are good and make people cry and laugh. Finally, the host calls Xiomara’s name and asks people to keep clapping until Xiomara takes the stage. Once onstage, the audience looks huge. Everyone waits for Xiomara to speak. She’s not sure she can do it and forgets her poem.
Themes
The Mic Is Open. Xiomara remembers the first line, recites it shakily, and then begins again. She forgets everything but her poem and everyone listens attentively. When she’s done, they all clap. Xiomara wants to hide. Caridad and Twin praise Xiomara and Twin even looks happy. As they leave, the host grabs Xiomara and invites her to the youth slam in February. Xiomara knows that she wants to perform.
Themes
Invitation. The youth slam that the host mentions is the same one that Ms. Galiano talked about at poetry club. Xiomara doesn’t really believe in signs, but this seems like a sign. At home, she tries to not appear as overwhelmed as she feels. Twin looks happy and continues to compliment Xiomara. Xiomara feels giggly and giddy. She thinks that lots of the poems she heard at the open mic seemed to talk about her and Twin’s own stories. They feel seen, and Xiomara thinks it’d be amazing to help someone else feel that way.
Sunday, December 16. All the Way Hype. Xiomara thinks about the open mic all weekend and spends all her free time writing. She can’t wait to tell the poetry club about performing. Her poetry notebook seems to swell with all the new poems and Xiomara feels like as she writes, she heals. She thinks that poetry club feels like a prayer circle for her.
Themes
Monday, December 17. At Lunch on Monday. Xiomara goes to the art room and sits across from Isabelle. Isabelle pulls off her headphones and asks Xiomara for her opinion. As she recites her poem, Xiomara puts her apple down to focus. When Isabelle finishes, she doesn’t look at Xiomara. Xiomara thinks the poem is beautiful and good; she says that it gave her chills and that Isabelle should finish it. Isabelle smiles and Xiomara smiles back.
Themes
Tuesday, December 18. At Poetry Club. Xiomara shares with the poetry club that she went to an open mic. Everyone is amazed and wants to come along next time. Isabelle squeals and grabs Xiomara’s hand, which makes Xiomara feel heady. Ms. Galiano smiles. Chris asks how Xiomara did, and she says that she didn’t suck. Everyone knows this means that Xiomara did great.
Themes
Every Day after English Class. Ms. Galiano starts asking Xiomara to read her a new poem after each class. Xiomara chooses her best and shortest pieces and learns to pace herself and show emotion. On the last day before break, Ms. Galiano says that Xiomara is blossoming and though it’s cliché, Xiomara feels like it’s true. Stephan reads Xiomara haikus in the hall and Chris greets her on the street. Xiomara’s poetry is a point of pride now. She loves how her words let her communicate and build community. She knows that saying before that she wouldn’t perform came from being afraid. Now, no one can stop her.
Monday, December 24. Christmas Eve. Mami buys three big poinsettias instead of a Christmas tree. Xiomara explains that Christmas Eve is one of her favorite holidays, since most Latinx families open gifts. Caridad comes over during the day and then at night, Xiomara, Mami, and Twin go to midnight Mass. Xiomara goes straight to her room when she gets home. She doesn’t expect any gifts and settles in with Chance the Rapper. Mami knocks and puts a small box on the desk. She awkwardly folds a sweater, sits, and stands back up. She explains that she had the gift resized, since she knows that Xiomara loves jewelry.
Themes
It’s a Rosary. Xiomara tempers her expectations. It’s probably a rosary, since Mami doesn’t believe in any other jewelry. However, when Xiomara opens the box, she sees a bracelet with a small plaque. The plaque has her name on one side and Mi Hija on the other. It’s her baby bracelet. She doesn’t understand why Mami resized it now, but puts it on anyway. She feels like she has Mami on one side and herself on the other side. Xiomara is mostly relieved it’s not a rosary.
Wednesday, December 26–Tuesday, January 1. Longest Week. The week after Christmas seems like the longest week of Xiomara’s life. She writes and reads poems to Twin, who texts Caridad about Cody. Xiomara finds that she starts memorizing her poems as she edits. She recites them in her dreams and feels herself getting braver. She writes about Mami making her feel like an ant, about boys catcalling her, and about Aman and Twin. Occasionally, Xiomara is still up when Mami wakes to go to work. Xiomara can’t wait to share her poems next week at poetry club.
Themes
Wednesday, January 2. The Waiting Game. School starts on Wednesday, so Xiomara misses poetry club by a day. She’s disappointed, but takes the extra time to write. She shares poems with Isabelle at lunch and talks with Stephan and Chris in the hallways. Xiomara’s birthday is next week and she thinks that the new year isn’t going too horribly.
Themes
Tuesday, January 8. Birthdays. In the morning, Twin and Xiomara exchange gifts. Xiomara gets him an X-Men comic about Iceman, who’s gay. They hug and Xiomara assures Twin that she’s always on his side. Twin’s gift is another notebook. Xiomara jokes that Twin is running out of ideas, but Twin says that Xiomara isn’t running out of ideas and needs a new notebook. They walk to the train together.
Themes
The Good. Caridad leaves voicemails singing “Happy Birthday” on Xiomara’s phone. When Xiomara goes to her locker, she finds an envelope in her biology textbook holding two tickets to visit an apple farm. They’re clearly from Aman, and Xiomara laughs. At poetry club, Chris sings “Happy Birthday” and Isabelle gives Xiomara a cupcake. Xiomara feels like she’ll remember this birthday forever.
Themes
The Bad. Xiomara rummages through her bag for her poetry notebook, but she only finds the one Twin just gave her. Her old one is on the kitchen table. Xiomara is upset she doesn’t have a poem to share, but she recites one from memory and feels great about it. She realizes she’s running late to church and thinks that soon, Mami will find out that she’s been skipping confirmation class. Xiomara grabs her things and runs out. She grabs her phone and listens to a voicemail from Mami. Mami says that she’s waiting for Xiomara at home.
Themes
The Ugly. Xiomara notices right away that her poetry notebook isn’t on the kitchen table. Mami is sitting on Xiomara’s bed, holding the notebook. Softly, Mami says that she knows enough English to know that Xiomara is writing about boys, church, and her. Even though Mami is a small woman, she seems to grow and Xiomara shrinks away. Mami spits that Xiomara writes horrible things without guilt or shame and asks what kind of daughter she is. Xiomara thinks that Mami seems lost. Mami grabs the notebook and then a match. Xiomara feels her chest tightening as Mami lights the match.
Themes
Let Me Explain. Xiomara tries to explain that the poems are just her personal thoughts. They’re private, and it helps to write them down. She’s sorry and clings to the doorframe to hold herself up. Xiomara wants to leap at Mami, but she is sorry for ever thinking that her thoughts could be private. Mami lights the match and tells Xiomara to get a trashcan.
Themes
If Your Hand Causes You to Sin; Verses. Mami puts the match to the leather cover and begins to pray. Xiomara leaps and grabs for her poetry notebook, but Mami turns and shoves Xiomara. Xiomara feels like she truly understands what it means to be desperate. They fight over the notebook, but Mami slaps Xiomara back again and the baby bracelet breaks and goes flying. Xiomara recites her poems from memory as Mami recites Scripture. Both of them get louder and louder. Xiomara’s poem is about her name and about being a warrior ready to defend herself.
Themes
Burn; Where There Is Smoke. Mami stares at Xiomara like Xiomara is insane and keeps praying. Suddenly, they both gasp and cry. Xiomara feels like something is dying and shouts that her poems are in her chest. She asks Mami if Mami is going to burn her too. Twin races in and grabs for the poetry notebook, but Mami pushes him back. Papi gently coaxes the notebook out of Mami’s hands and knocks it against the wall to try to put out the fire. He yells at Twin to get the fire extinguisher. Xiomara fixates on the burning smell and thinks that her heart is burning too.
Things You Think About in the Split Second Your Notebook Is Burning; Other Things You Think About in the Split Second Your Notebook Is Burning. Xiomara wonders who would put her out if she were on fire. She wonders who would gather her ashes and, if she turned to dust, if anyone would try to collect the blowing dust. Xiomara vows to never write a poem again. She thinks that she’ll never allow anyone to see her heart so that they can destroy it.
Themes
My Mother Tries to Grab Me; Returning. Papi puts out the fire with the fire extinguisher. Mami watches him silently, but Xiomara knows that as soon as the air clears, Mami will chase her. Xiomara stands, glad she’s still wearing her coat and backpack, and races for the door. Twin holds Mami back. Xiomara breathes deeply once she’s outside, but she realizes that she has nothing and nowhere to go. Twin texts Xiomara immediately, but Xiomara ignores him. She texts Aman and asks if he can meet her.
Themes
On the Walk to the Train. Xiomara calls Caridad. Caridad starts singing “Happy Birthday,” but she stops when she hears Xiomara crying. Xiomara knows that Caridad is aware that something is seriously wrong. She asks Caridad to check on Twin and says that she needs to leave. Caridad reminds Xiomara that she’s always here for her and assures her that she’ll figure it out.
Themes
The Ride. The train proceeds with stops and starts, but it doesn’t bother Xiomara. She gets off and it starts to snow. Xiomara turns her face to the sky and imagines that the snow is healing, like in the movies. She isn’t aware that Aman has arrived until she smells his cologne and thinks of the memories they made. Aman takes Xiomara’s hand and squeezes it, but Xiomara looks at the sky.
Themes
No Turning Back. Aman tries to ask Xiomara questions, but she doesn’t hear them. She only feels his fingers. They walk until Xiomara realizes that Aman is shivering—he isn’t wearing a coat or socks. Xiomara whispers that they should get out of the weather and confirms that he lives nearby. Aman raises his eyebrows.
Themes
Taking Care. Xiomara thinks all the way up the stairs. Aman’s father works nights, so Aman spends his time listening to music and doing homework. She almost laughs thinking about how she avoided his house when they were together, but is here now that she’s a mess. Aman’s house is soft and cushioned. Xiomara leans against the wall and closes her eyes. Aman puts on soft soca music, which is soothing. Xiomara opens her eyes when she feels Aman taking off her boots. She tells him about her poetry notebook and her chest hurts. Aman pulls her close.
Themes
In Aman’s Arms. In Aman’s arms, Xiomara feels warm and safe. They apologize and start kissing. Xiomara takes off her shirt and though she’s shy at first, she feels beautiful. They both undress and Aman touches Xiomara’s breasts. Xiomara stops breathing, but she feels good.
Themes
And I Also Know. Xiomara knows they need to stop. Aman is on top of her on the couch and everything feels good, but she can feel his erection. His hand brushes Xiomara’s thigh, and she understands why people cliff dive to feel free. She stops his hand, pulls away, and says they have to stop.
Themes
The Next Move. Xiomara sits up, holds her bra against her chest, and waits for Aman to call her names. He touches her back, but only fastens her bra and hands Xiomara her shirt. They dress silently and Xiomara waits for Aman to hand her her boots and turn her away—she knows that if she’s not going to sleep with him, he’ll dump her. Instead, Aman hands Xiomara his own t-shirt. She’s confused, but Aman takes it back and uses it to wipe away Xiomara’s tears.
Themes
Tangled. Xiomara thinks of the long three-strand necklaces she wears sometimes. They’re beautiful, but it’s impossible to put them away—they always get tangled. Xiomara feels like one of those necklaces after asking Aman to stop. She feels guilty, like she wants more, but she also wants to cry. Her panic dissipates and Xiomara thinks she needs a minute to slow down and think.
Themes
There Are Words. Xiomara knows that she and Aman need to talk, but they watch highlights of the Winter Olympics and fry eggs and plantains. Xiomara feels like time stopped and listens to Aman’s breathing. She thinks of all the firsts she experienced today, and all the firsts she chose not to experience. This is a more comfortable train of thought, as Xiomara knows that she’s made other choices today that she won’t be able to take back.
Themes
Wednesday, January 9. Facing It. As soon as Xiomara walks into Ms. Galiano’s class, Ms. Galiano calls her into the hallway. Xiomara is wearing the same outfit from yesterday—Aman’s shirts were too small—and Ms. Galiano seems to know. Ms. Galiano says that she called Xiomara’s house yesterday because she was concerned. Papi sounded frantic and didn’t know where Xiomara was. She asks if Xiomara has called home and what’s going on. Xiomara doesn’t know what to say. She looks at Ms. Galiano and thinks that she’s not much older, is pretty, has a Spanish last name, loves poetry, and called Xiomara’s house because she was worried. Xiomara tells her everything. She says that she hates Mami. Ms. Galiano holds Xiomara and soothes her.
“You Don’t Have to Do Anything You Don’t Want to Do”; What I Say to Ms. Galiano After She Passes Me a Kleenex. Xiomara takes a breath and thinks that nobody has ever told her before that she’s free to make her own choices. Maybe in some way Aman has, since he never forces her to do anything. Xiomara thinks that Mami wants her to be proper, Papi wants her to be quiet, and Twin and Caridad want her to be good. God wants Xiomara to earn her life. Xiomara thinks that nobody has told her that she can make things stop with her words. Ms. Galiano says that Xiomara does need to speak to Mami and figure out their relationship. Xiomara agrees.
Themes
Going Home. Xiomara feels like going home is the hardest thing. She’s not sure what she needs to do or how to do it, and she’s not sure how Mami will react. Isabelle shares food with Xiomara during lunch and after bio, Aman holds Xiomara’s hands. Ms. Galiano gives Xiomara her cell number in case she needs to talk. Xiomara walks outside at the end of the day with Aman and finds Caridad and Twin waiting for her. She knows that she’s not alone, and she knows who might be able to help her.
Themes
Aman, Twin, and Caridad; Divine Intervention. Xiomara introduces Aman to Twin and Caridad and they walk to the train. She wants to ask Twin what happened last night, but she’s not sure she wants to know and she knows it wasn’t good. Caridad squeezes Xiomara’s hand, Aman kisses her forehead, and Twin smiles softly. He begins to cry and then he and Xiomara hold each other. Xiomara makes a stop before she goes home. She understands that help can come in mysterious ways, and she knows she needs as much help as she can get.
Themes
Homecoming. Xiomara puts her key in the lock, but she doesn’t turn it. Mami might not be home yet, but she’s in the kitchen wringing a dishrag when Xiomara opens the door. Her eyes are red and she looks small. Twin squeezes Xiomara’s shoulder and Xiomara tells Mami that they need to talk. She lets Father Sean into the kitchen and he reaches for Mami. Xiomara watches Mami begin to sob and thinks that she’s been both a mother and a monster. Xiomara goes to her.
Themes
My Mother and I. Xiomara thinks that she and Mami might not be friends. They’ll never shop for a prom dress or paint each other’s nails. They may never learn to apologize, but they can hold each other tight. They can remember that love is like a band that can tear, but it can also hold in so much. Mami doesn’t say that she’s sorry or that she loves Xiomara. Xiomara hopes to hear that someday, but thinks that Mami’s soft touch is enough.
Themes
Thursday, January 24. Stronger. In bio, Xiomara learns about erosion and how, over time, small streams can break apart mountains. Xiomara and Mami try to break down their own walls by meeting weekly with Father Sean to talk. Mami starts teaching communion classes and seems happier than ever. She’s excited and happy with the little kids, and Xiomara remembers how it used to be like that when she was little. In their third session with Father Sean, Mami gives Xiomara back her repaired baby bracelet. Sometimes, Twin and Papi come too. Twin is quiet, but Xiomara hopes he’ll be able to speak up someday. Xiomara is surprised that Papi loves to talk and is a good listener. One afternoon, Father Sean says that Twin mentioned Xiomara’s upcoming poetry slam. He asks if they can all come.
Themes
Slam Prep. Ms. Galiano convinces Xiomara to commit to the poetry slam. Xiomara practices in her mirror and at poetry club. She’s still upset about losing poems, but she’s proud of remembering so many and tells herself that if she rewrites them, it means they mattered. Xiomara knows she needs one strong poem and loves that people will listen, but she hates the idea of being judged. She’s concerned because her poems seem too personal to perform in front of strangers. Ms. Galiano tells Xiomara that words give people permission to be their true selves, and points out that poems like this are the ones that Xiomara needed to hear.
Themes
Ms. Galiano Explains the Five Rules of Slam; Xiomara’s Secret Rules of Slam; The Poetry Club’s Real Rules of Slam. Ms. Galiano’s rules are that poems must be original and under three minutes, and that there are no props, instruments, or other people onstage. Xiomara’s rules are that she can’t faint, forget her poem, mess up, give a disclaimer, or fail to finish. The club’s rules are that performers must perform with heart, remember why they wrote the poem, be emotional, share, and not suck.
Themes
Friday, February 1. Poetic Justice. A week before the slam, Xiomara takes a deep breath and prepares to practice her poem in front of Twin, Mami, and Papi. She feels like she can’t do it, but Twin nods encouragingly. Xiomara finds her words, but the room still feels too small. When she finishes Twin smiles, Papi claps, and Mami tells Xiomara to speak up next time.
Themes
Friday, February 8. The Afternoon of the Slam. Aman and Xiomara go to the park. He holds her hand and they listen to Nicki Minaj. Xiomara gets up to leave when the album is over, but Aman pulls Xiomara into his lap despite her protestations. He opens up the Notes app on his phone and reads her a poem. It’s short and bad, but Xiomara cries anyway. It’s the first poem that anyone ever wrote for her. Aman says that he believes that Xiomara can defend herself and everyone else, but he’ll always support her and protect her heart.
Themes
At the New York Citywide Slam. With Ms. Galiano’s assistance, Xiomara recites a truthful poem. Twin’s help with practice means that it’s polished, and her new poetry notebook makes her feel like she deserves to be there. Aman’s support makes her not see the standing ovation, and thinking of English class means that she doesn’t see Caridad and Isabelle cheer. Caridad holds Xiomara’s hand, so Xiomara misses Aman and Twin messing around. Because Mami and Papi are in the front row, Xiomara doesn’t see Father Sean. When she does notice Father Sean, she doesn’t hear Papi telling people that Xiomara is his daughter. She looks at Mami, nods, and recites her poem. She knows her words are powerful.
Themes
Celebrate With Me. After the slam, Mami and Papi invite everyone to their house for pizza and rice and beans. Mami and Papi let Aman sit on the couch, but they won’t call him Xiomara’s boyfriend. Isabelle plays bachata and asks Caridad to dance. Xiomara watches Twin pretend he’s not watching Stephan as Aman takes over as DJ. Ms. Galiano and Father Sean argue about boxing and then Papi holds out his hands to Xiomara to dance. He explains that he should’ve taught Xiomara to dance long ago, and that dancing is a way to tell people she loves them. Mami smiles at Xiomara and says that they won’t take any more backwards steps. Xiomara smiles and steps forward.
Themes
Assignment 5—First and Final Draft. Xiomara gives the Psalm “The unfolding of your words gives light; / it gives understanding to the simple” as her favorite quote. She writes that though she was raised with religion, she didn’t always feel loved. The Bible is entirely a metaphor, so Xiomara suggests that God doesn’t just exist in churches—everyone is like God. She believes that talking with others is talking about God and, therefore, is like church. This quote is also about poetry and how words bring people together. Xiomara isn’t sure if she’ll ever be as devout as Mami, Twin, or Caridad, but she knows now that it’s freeing to believe in the power of her words.
