There are two primary tones in “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love”—Nick’s detached narratorial tone and Mel’s heated and emotional tone. Though Nick is the narrator, Mel’s tone is arguably more central to the story given that he is the primary speaker in the extended dialogue that is woven throughout the narrative. The following passage, which comes as Mel and Terri discuss Terri's abusive ex-boyfriend Ed, captures both of these tones:
Mel let out his breath. He held his glass and turned to Laura and me. "The man threatened to kill me," Mel said. He finished his drink and reached for the gin bottle. “Terri's a romantic. Terri's of the kick-me-so-I'll-know-you-love-me school. Terri, hon, don't look that way." Mel reached across the table and touched Terri's cheek with his fingers. He grinned at her.
Nick’s detached tone comes across here via his minimalist narration. His simple descriptions like “Mel let out his breath” and “He grinned at [Terri]” establish that he is more of an observer in the story than a participant. The tale Mel is telling about Terri’s abusive ex-boyfriend Ed—who threatened to kill Terri before ultimately killing himself—is emotionally charged, and yet Nick does not seem to be affected by it.
Mel’s tone here, on the other hand, is fiery and animated. His description of his wife as being “of the kick-me-so-I'll-know-you-love-me school” comes across as judgmental and bitter, as does the way he instructs her “not to look that way” after his passive-aggressive remarks. Mel’s tone becomes increasingly bitter over the course of the story as he becomes more and more inebriated and less and less able to articulate his thoughts on love clearly.