The Wind in the Willows

Since the hollow tree’s opening faces east, Toad wakes early in the morning. His toes are also cold, so just before he wakes he dreams that he’s at home and his blankets get up and leave the room to get warm downstairs. When he wakes up, he remembers he’s free and feels suddenly exuberant. He’s ready for the world to help him and amuse him, as it used to. So, Toad wanders hopefully down the road and through the woods. Before long, though, Toad is annoyed—he’d like the road to tell him where to go, not just be silent.

Eventually, the road meets a canal. Around a bend, Toad sees a horse plodding along and pulling a barge. There’s a stout woman on the barge, and she greets Toad with a “good morning.” Toad laments that it would be a good morning if he weren’t out looking for his married daughter, while his washing work and his mischievous small children wait at home. He tells the woman his daughter lives near Toad Hall, and the woman says she’s going that direction. She offers to give Toad a lift and helps him into the barge. Toad is thrilled; he always comes out on top.

The woman asks Toad about the washing business, which he airily deems the best work in the country. He says he has 20 girls working for him; they’re “nasty little hussies,” but he keeps them in line. Toad also boasts that he adores washing. The woman says this is fantastic—she also loves washing, but her husband is a shirker, and since he’s off hunting, she can’t do the laundry. Toad tries to change the subject, but it’s too late: the woman asks Toad if she can do him a favor by letting him wash some of her underwear for her, since he likes washing so much.

There’s no way for Toad to escape. The woman won’t let him steer, and it’s too far to leap to the bank. He decides washing can’t be that hard, gathers the supplies, and tries to remember what he’s seen through laundry windows. But a half-hour later, Toad is extremely angry. He keeps dropping the soap and the garments are still dirty. The woman gazes out the front of the barge, fortunately—but Toad’s paws are getting wrinkly. He’s proud of his paws, and he hates this. Suddenly, the woman laughs: Toad is obviously lying and has never done laundry in his life.

Toad loses control. He shouts that the woman can’t speak that way to her “betters,” insults her weight, and snaps that he’s a distinguished toad who won’t let a barge-woman laugh at him. The woman peers under Toad’s bonnet and remarks that Toad really is a toad—and she can’t have a “nasty, crawly” toad on her clean barge. She grabs Toad by the legs and throws him into the water. When Toad finally crawls onto the bank, he sees that the woman is laughing. He vows to get revenge.

After taking a moment to recover, Toad gathers up his skirts and races after the barge. He ignores the woman’s taunts, unties the horse, and leaps on, galloping away. The horse gallops for a bit, but it’s not particularly fit. It slows to a walk. Toad tries not to think about how long it’s been since he last ate as they amble along. After a while, the horse suddenly stops, almost unseating Toad who was nearly asleep. Toad looks around and sees a caravan nearby, with a “gipsy” man sitting out front. The man has a fire going—and on it is a pot filled with a wonderful smelling stew. Toad is suddenly wildly hungry, but he can’t decide if he wants to fight the man or try something else.

Finally, the “gipsy” man asks Toad if he’d like to sell his horse. Toad had no idea “gipsies” love to buy and sell horses—but here’s an opportunity to get a meal and money. Toad insists he can’t sell his “beautiful young horse”; the horse is well-bred and loves Toad. But he asks anyway what the man might pay for the horse. The man offers a shilling per leg. Toad pauses to do the math and then insists his horse is worth way more than four shillings. The man says his final offer is five shillings.

Toad thinks it over. He’s hungry, has no money, and is far from home. Five shillings doesn’t seem like enough—but then again, he stole the horse, so it’s all profit. Toad says he’ll only accept six shillings and six pence, in addition to a meal; and he’ll throw in the horse’s harness. The “gipsy” man agrees after some grumbling. He then hands over the money and serves Toad as many servings of his stew as Toad can eat. An hour later, the man points Toad in the right direction, and Toad sets off.

Toad is in great spirits. He has money, he’s almost home, and the food makes him feel “careless” and confident. He walks along, thinking of his adventures, and decides he’s the cleverest animal in the world. As he lists what’s happened in the last few days, he becomes so conceited that he composes a song in his own honor. The narrator only lists a few of the “milder” verses, in which Toad saves the day in a variety of situations. Toad walks and sings until he reaches a road—and hears a car coming. He decides to hail the car and ask for a ride to Toad Hall.

Confidently, Toad steps into the road—until he sees that the car is the very same one he stole not so long ago. He sinks to the ground, figuring he’ll go back to jail. He laments that he’s so conceited. But the car soon stops, and the men get out. They believe Toad’s washerwoman disguise and think he’s fainted, so they pick Toad up to take him to the nearest village. This makes Toad feel courageous again; clearly, the drivers don’t recognize him. He slowly sits up, thanks the men, and asks if he can sit in the front to get the fresh air in his face. The men oblige.

Suddenly, old yearnings grip Toad again—why shouldn’t he give in? He asks the driver if he can try driving, and the man laughs. He and his fellow agree it won’t do any harm to let a washerwoman drive. Toad slides to the driver’s seat and starts off slow. As he gets faster, one of the men warns him to be careful—and Toad loses his temper. He shouts that he’s not a washerwoman; he’s Toad, the “motor-car snatcher” who always escapes and is fearless. The driving party is aghast that the very Toad who stole their car is now driving it, and they try to restrain him.

This is a mistake, since they don’t stop the car first. Toad turns the wheel and crashes through a hedge—and the car goes right into a pond. Toad flies through air and likes the sensation until he hits the ground. Then, he leaves the drivers struggling in the muddy pond and runs away as fast as he can. When he’s far away, he laughs and picks up his conceited song again—until he notices a driver and policemen running after him. Toad races on, regretting how self-centered he’s been. Toad is a stout animal and can’t outrun the policemen, but as he looks back at his pursuers, the ground suddenly disappears. Toad ran right into the river. He vows to never steal a car again as the river sweeps him along. When he finally manages to grab the riverbank, Rat emerges out of a dark hole in the bank.