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Book 3, Chapter 6
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in The End of the Affair, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Love and Hatred
Faith, Acceptance, and the Divine
Jealousy and Passion
Adultery, Deception, and Honesty
Summary
Analysis
On January 18, 1946 Sarah writes about going out to lunch with Maurice for the first time since they separated. Sarah says that she wanted to ask Maurice about Henry because Henry’s behavior is leading her to believe that he’s worried about her—something that would be odd because there’s genuinely nothing for him to worry about anymore. She says that Maurice tried to hurt her during their lunch and “succeeded because he was really hurting himself.” Sarah wonders if she “broke[] that old promise” by going out for lunch with Maurice, but writes that she doesn’t think she did.
Sarah and Henry’s lack of real communication—and by implication their lack of emotional intimacy—is illustrated by the fact that Sarah believes Bendrix would know whether or not Henry is worried about her. Interestingly, Sarah does not take the reappearance of Bendrix to be a sign from God that she can begin a new affair with him. Instead, it seems to her like a sign from God that he trusts her not to break her vow; Bendrix can be part of her life, just not in an adulterous way.
Themes
On February 3, 1946 Sarah says that she saw Maurice walking to the Pontefract Arms but that he didn’t see her. Sarah writes that she had been at Richard’s, trying to understand his arguments but instead gaining an increased sense of belief in God. Sarah wonders if anyone could really be “so serious, so argumentative” if what they were talking about wasn’t real. She says that she first went to see Richard to see if he could make her believe that God didn’t exists, but he had only made her believe in God more. Returning to describing seeing Maurice, Sarah says she followed him to the bar and told God that if Maurice saw her then she would go in. However, Sarah writes, Maurice didn’t see her and so she kept walking.
Although Sarah has evidently not given up her love for Maurice and her hope that they can be together again (shown by the fact that she followed him and expressed a willingness to go to him if she received a sign), she is unwilling to do it without sanction from God. Sarah has put her full trust in God’s judgment and truly believes that he will give her a sign indicating whether she can go to Bendrix or not, and she accepts this judgment without complaint even though it makes her unhappy. It’s also telling that Richard’s arguments against God only make Sarah believe in God more; it seems that her belief isn’t really a rational one, despite how much thought she’s put into it.
Themes
In the same entry, Sarah writes that her thoughts turned to how happy she could make Maurice, which led to the decision to return to her house, pack her bags, write a goodbye letter to Henry, and then call Maurice to tell him that she was coming “for tonight and all the other nights.” Sarah writes that she can do this without fear of long-term bitterness from Henry because he is so polite and will understand. Sarah writes about returning to her house and writing the letter to Henry but notes that she struggled with how to end it because “God bless you […] sounded smug.” Having done this, Sarah went down the stairs to put the letter somewhere Henry would be able to find it. Just then, however, Henry walked in the door.
Despite her earlier acceptance of God’s judgment, Sarah nearly succumbs to her desire to reignite her affair with Bendrix, but this time she is willing to leave her marriage to Henry to do it. As if in response to Sarah’s sinful desires, Henry and everything he represents—honesty, trust, loyalty, and her vows to him as well as to God—appears. This, it seems, is also a sign from God designed to remind her of her vow to give up her relationship with Bendrix.
Themes
In the same entry, Sarah says Henry told her that he had been to lunch with Bendrix and then abruptly said, “I love you […]. Do you know that?” Sarah writes that she “could have hated him” for saying that; it would have been better, according to Sarah, if Henry had gotten angry because his “anger would set [her] free.” Sarah records that she asked Henry what was wrong, and Henry tells her that he doesn’t think he’s been a very good husband, before going on to say that they don’t “do anything together.” Sarah told him that it was bound to happen most marriages, which was supposed to be her “escape line.” However, Henry deviated from the script and asked her to stay “a few more years.” Because she’d seen what it looked like when Henry was miserable, Sarah promised not to leave him, again giving up the hope of being with Maurice.
As the reader knows from Bendrix’s narrative, when Henry went to lunch with Bendrix it was because Bendrix wanted to show him evidence of Sarah’s infidelity—and at the same lunch, Bendrix admitted that he had been in an affair with Sarah, too. Henry’s lack of jealousy is notable; rather than being mad and jealous, Henry turns his blame inwards and accepts that he hasn’t been an especially good husband either romantically or sexually. Just as Sarah is preparing to break her vows to Henry and God, Henry tries to recommit to the vow he made to Sarah when they got married. Sarah interprets this, too, as a message from God that she must honor her vows.
Themes
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Back in her room, Sarah writes, she grabbed a “cheap ugly” crucifix she had bought and tried to think of a prayer “that wasn’t me, me, me.” Instead, Sarah tried to think about the “awful spots on Richard’s cheek” and Henry’s tear-stained face. In her prayer, Sarah begged God to “Teach [her] to love” him and to alleviate Richard and Henry’s pain.
In an earlier entry, Sarah wrote that she felt peace and contentment at the same time that she felt love for God. Here, when she asks God to teach her to love, it is the same as asking him to show her how to have peace again. Sarah is able to remember why she sacrificed Bendrix and why she must stick to her promises when she remembers the pain of others and how she can alleviate that pain with her presence.
Themes
On February 6, 1946 Sarah records a “terrible scene” she had with Richard. Richard noticed that Sarah was distracted and asked her, “What do you come here for?” Sarah told him it was to see him. At this, Richard got up from his chair and sat next to Sarah. According to Sarah, she knew that he was going to make a romantic advance on her. Richard asked Sarah to marry him, but she refused. Instead, Sarah told Richard about her belief in God and that Richard had talked her into that belief rather than out of it. Richard told Sarah that he could understand her love of God because of her beauty but questioned why he should love a God who had given him the spots on his cheek. In response, Sarah kissed Richard’s spotted cheek and then left.
Richard reveals that the root of his refusal to believe in God is actually a refusal to believe that any benevolent or merciful being would give him the spots on his cheek. Earlier, Sarah wondered why Richard condemned what most people consider positive forces such as heaven and God instead of negative ones. The answer to that is also shown here: it was God (a positive force) that would have given Richard the spots, and so it is this positive force that Richard hates.
Themes
On February 10, 1946 Sarah writes to God: “Did I ever love Maurice as much before I loved You? Or was it really You I loved all the time?” Sarah writes that Maurice was on God’s side “without knowing it” and that Maurice, like God, had caused their separation. Sarah claims that from the beginning of her affair with Maurice, God “[was] there, teaching us to squander […] so that one day we might have nothing left except this love of You.” Sarah asks God to give Maurice her peace because “he needs it more.”
From her current perspective, Sarah sees God’s hand in her relationship with Bendrix. It was Bendrix’s jealousy that drove a wedge between them, but it was also God’s will. Sarah’s relationship with Bendrix taught her to value love as a necessity to enjoy sex and this ruined her ability to find fulfilment in extramarital affairs; this, too, was God’s will. What Sarah and Bendrix really “squander[ed]” together was the will to engage in sinful behavior that was hurting their souls even though they didn’t realize it. With this realization, Sarah has peace, which she selflessly asks God to give to Bendrix instead.
Themes
In Sarah’s final journal entry on February 12, 1946, she writes that although her last entry was full of “peace and quiet and love,” she has had a dream about Maurice and is no longer at peace. Instead, Sarah says she just wants Maurice like she did before. She writes that she wants “ordinary corrupt human love” and asks God to take away her pain for a while.
This abrupt departure from the previous peace-filled message highlights the painful road from nonbelief to belief. Even though there are moments of peace, it is still extremely difficult and painful for Sarah to believe in God because it means she must continue to deny herself the earthly happiness of being with Bendrix.
Themes
