Still Alice

by

Lisa Genova

Still Alice: August 2004 Summary & Analysis

Summary
Analysis
Alice knows that Anne and Sarah are dead and have been for many years—in fact, she cannot imagine them as being any older than they were when they died—but “she’d been so sure that they were about to walk through the front door.” Although this scares her, she is more scared that this thought “scare[s] her only somewhat.”
Alice has already accepted that she is going to perpetually decline and never get better, which is why she is not as scared by the fact that she thought her dead sister was going to come for a visit. This acceptance scares Alice because, just months before, it would have been very uncharacteristic of her. This shows how much she is becoming resigned to her disease.
Themes
Loss of Identity Theme Icon
Alzheimer’s, Quality of Life, and Happiness Theme Icon
At breakfast, Alice, John, and Lydia gather outside to eat. Lydia and John discuss Lydia’s upcoming play but struggles to keep up and form the words she needs to ask questions before they move on to the next topic. Instead, she feels like she’s watching them “as participants on stage from her seat in the audience.” While they talk, she cuts a bagel in half and looks at the various toppings they have for it. She notices some “white butter,” but knows it isn’t butter. She points at it and asks John to pass it to her. Still confused, Alice spreads it on her bagel and then stares at it. Lydia tells her that it’s cream cheese and Alice thanks her.
Although Alice has lost words in the past, her inability to identify cream cheese is the first time she’s struggled with identifying something that is right in front of her. Although John doesn’t notice her struggle, Lydia is able to notice it, hearkening back to the day Alice told her kids about her diagnosis and Lydia told everyone she had noticed something was wrong even though John had failed to. This also highlights just how much more emotionally intelligent Lydia is, particularly compared to John: she is able to read Alice’s body language and facial expressions and identify what she needs better than anyone else in their family.
Themes
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Alzheimer’s, Quality of Life, and Happiness Theme Icon
The phone rings inside, so John gets up to answer it. While he’s gone, Alice asks Lydia if she would consider going to college for a degree in theater, which might open new doors for her. Lydia asks her to explain, so Alice tells her that it would help qualify her as a teacher in case the day ever came when would “like to slow down a bit but still stay in the business” and that it would also lead to numerous “networking opportunities.” Alice tells her just to think about it and maybe talk to her fellow actors about it, which Lydia agrees to do.
This is the first time Alice and Lydia have been able to discuss college without fighting with each another, but it is also the first time Alice has presented her case in favor of college by acknowledging Lydia’s ambition and passion as legitimate at the same time, suggesting she go for theater instead a more “practical” major. Because of this, Lydia lets her guard down instead of becoming automatically defensive and shutting the conversation down.
Themes
Ambition and Success Theme Icon
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Encouraged by the fact that they didn’t argue, Alice silently thinks of what to ask next. Lydia abruptly asks her, “What does [Alzheimer’s] feel like?” Alice explains that she knows when she’s not confused, but still has difficulties. She also tells Lydia, “[E]ven when I feel completely normal, I know I’m not. It’s not over, it’s just a rest. I don’t trust myself.” To Alice’s surprise, Lydia seems unfazed and asks what it feels like when she is confused. Alice describes bargaining with her own mind to remember a word or keep up with a conversation but notes that it is a losing battle. Suddenly, “Lydia reache[s] out across the dishes and glasses and years of distance” to comfort Alice.
When Alice was in Los Angeles with Lydia, she wanted to be the one to reach out and bridge the distance between herself and her daughter, but pride prevented her from doing so. Lydia, however, is now able to do just that. Because of her acute emotional intelligence, Lydia makes a better listener than John and is able to be there for Alice in a way John has never been able to. Rather than trying to change the subject, Lydia listens, accepts, and empathizes, thus paving the way for her and Alice to finally grow closer.
Themes
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Quotes
Get the entire Still Alice LitChart as a printable PDF.
Still Alice PDF
Alice wakes up from a nap later to discover that Lydia is gone to rehearsal and John has left a note saying he’s on a drive. Alice picks up a book to read, but has a hard time focusing on it. Instead, she goes to Lydia’s room to see if she has any books there. In the room, Alice realizes that out of “her three children, she knew Lydia the least.” So, she decides to look around the room for some clues about who Lydia is. She finds Lydia’s collection of plays, decides they might be easier to read than novels, and grabs one.
Although Alice and Lydia have taken a positive step forward in their relationship, Alice still chooses to look around Lydia’s space in order to get to know her and understand what is going on in her life better. Interestingly, this also leads to her taking an interest in something Lydia is passionate about: plays.
Themes
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Alzheimer’s, Quality of Life, and Happiness Theme Icon
Alice notices Lydia’s journal on her nightstand and decides to read it. In it, she reads “about a young woman’s passion and tenacity,” and the story of how Lydia had fallen in love with Malcolm during a play. John comes home and calls out to her, so Alice puts the journal back and goes downstairs to him.
Alice uses her Alzheimer’s to justify reading Lydia’s journal to herself. Although it is a problematic decision, it is understandable—Alice is likely desperate to get to know her estranged daughter better before Alzheimer’s prevents her from doing so.
Themes
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Alzheimer’s, Quality of Life, and Happiness Theme Icon
Downstairs, John is waiting for Alice with one bag full of movies, mostly adaptations of the books she’s been reading, and another bag full of popcorn and Milk Duds. John explains that he thought it’d be easier for Alice to watch movies and so had run out to buy some. Thrilled, Alice gives him a big hug. She wants to tell him what he means to her, but can’t “find the words,” but he hugs her tighter to let her know that he knows. 
John’s thoughtful present of movies and popcorn shows Alice that he does still think of her as her old self on some level, and that he loves her and still wants to be close to her. Furthermore, he understands her enough to know that her hug had a deeper meaning behind it and is confident in her ability to understand his own unspoken communication. This shows how much he still values Alice as a wife and partner even though she is struggling more and more with her disease.  
Themes
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Alzheimer’s, Quality of Life, and Happiness Theme Icon
Early in the morning, Alice does some yoga and observes that her “whole body looked strong and beautiful.” She believes she’s in “the best physical shape of her life.” On the other hand, her mind is “[u]nresponsive, disobedient, weakening.” Although taking her medicine and running every day isn’t “add[ing] up to visible, measurable results,” she fears what will happen if she stops trying to keep these things up.
Once again Genova contrasts Alice’s physical fitness with her deteriorating brain. Just as when she looked in the mirror on her 50th birthday, Alice struggles to reconcile her outward appearance of youth and health with the knowledge that something is ravaging her brain in a way that she has only ever associated with old age and ill health.
Themes
Loss of Identity Theme Icon
Alzheimer’s, Quality of Life, and Happiness Theme Icon
John accompanies Alice on a run that morning even though he doesn’t like running. Alice appreciates his effort and tells him so when they get home. Alice then finds Lydia on the porch drinking coffee. Lydia and Alice have developed a new routine where they discuss what play Alice is reading together over breakfast. Alice enjoys this because it shows her “the depth of her daughter’s intellect, her rich understanding of human need and emotion and struggle.” As they discuss Angels in America, Alice asks Lydia about acting a certain scene with Malcolm. Confused, Lydia asks Alice if she had read her diary. Alice realizes that this wasn’t something Lydia had told her in conversation and apologizes, but Lydia storms off.
Not only have Alice and Lydia learned to talk to each other without fighting, but they have found a shared interest they can bond over in plays. For once, Alice is able to recognize in her daughter all the ambition, passion, and desire for success that Alice formerly only associated with pursuing a college degree. This contributes to Alice’s ongoing recharacterization of what she considers successful—she now recognizes the importance of emotional intelligence, maturity, and meaningful relationships rather than focusing solely on tangible results and accolades.
Themes
Ambition and Success Theme Icon
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Alzheimer’s, Quality of Life, and Happiness Theme Icon
John comforts Alice and tries to take her mind off Lydia’s anger by bringing her to the beach for a swim. That evening, however, Lydia doesn’t come home for dinner, leaving Alice convinced that Lydia hates her. Alice tries to stay up until Lydia comes back but falls asleep watching a movie with John. When he wakes Alice up to bring her back to bed, she finds Lydia’s journal on her pillow.
When Alice finds Lydia’s journal on her pillow, she also realizes that, once again, she has underestimated Lydia’s character. Lydia clearly understood why Alice read her journal—both recognize that this is Alice’s way of understanding Lydia better. Lydia clearly wants to connect with Alice, too, while there’s still time, which is why Lydia gives Alice her journal to finish reading if she chooses to do so.
Themes
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Tom walks into the house and apologizes for being late. With everyone gathered around, Anna announces that she is pregnant with twins. Everyone is thrilled even though Anna warns them that it’s still early, but Alice notices that Charlie looks nervous and wonders if he’s “terrified about the prospect of having two kids in college and, at the same time, a wife with dementia.” Lydia and Tom stand next to Anna and talk excitedly. Alice thinks to herself that “her children were beautiful.”
Ever since she’s realized how much she values her life outside of work, Alice takes the time to appreciate her family more, shown by her observation that they are all “beautiful” together. This also shows how proud she is of them and how much she truly loves and values her time with them. Excitement over the possibility that one of her greatest wishes will be fulfilled (seeing Anna’s babies) adds to Alice’s happiness in spite of her worsening Alzheimer’s symptoms.
Themes
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Tom asks Alice how she’s feeling, stating that she seems “too quiet.” Lydia tells him it’s because there are “too many of us talking at once and too quickly,” which makes Tom stop smiling. Alice repeatedly asks Lydia what time her play starts. This starts an argument between Tom (who thinks Alice should not worry about remembering anything) and Anna (who thinks Alice should be trying harder to remember everything), while Lydia argues that they should let Alice make that decision. 
The argument between Alice’s children over whether or not she should be responsible for remembering what time Lydia’s play is highlights how well Lydia is able to understand Alice. Instead of arguing over what Alice should do, Lydia accepts Alice’s choice to put the play in her BlackBerry and encourages Tom and Anna to let Alice decide what to do as a capable adult instead of making choices for her as if she were a child.
Themes
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Alzheimer’s, Quality of Life, and Happiness Theme Icon
The next night at the play, Alice becomes completely absorbed in watching the characters and is easily able to follow the story. After the play, Alice and her family go backstage to see the actors. Alice meets the actress who played Catherine and compliments her performance before asking if she’ll be in anything else that summer. There is an uncomfortable silence, but the actor answers her questions. Finally, Anna tells Alice that this actress is “Lydia, your daughter.”
Ironically, just as Lydia and Alice start getting closer, Alice begins forgetting Lydia. The entire family is present to witness the moment Alice is unable to recognize Lydia, and it signifies to them all that the real beginning of the end has come for Alice. Soon she will begin to forget the rest of them, too.
Themes
Loss of Identity Theme Icon
Illness, Marriage, and Family Theme Icon
Alzheimer’s, Quality of Life, and Happiness Theme Icon