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Chapter 17: Salad Days
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Reckoning, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Guilt and Legacy
Morality, Survival, and Perspective
Sexuality and Shame
Body Image and Publicity
Indifference vs. Feeling
Summary
Analysis
Not knowing what else to do, Magda chooses to enroll at Melbourne University; her friends Anna and Helen also enroll. Magda likes the school’s gothic-style architecture, but she feels like an imposter there—Siena Convent had prepared her for college academically, but not socially. Friendless, Magda contemplates suicide. Her introversion makes her the target of many Christian organizations, but Magda knows their principles of forgiveness don’t extend to lesbians; however, the idea of socializing with other lesbians fills Magda with dread as well as yearning.
With self-recrimination that resembles Peter’s, Magda believes that her sexuality is beyond forgiveness. In this way, absorption of Peter’s guilt seems to have blown Magda’s guilt out of proportion, for she does not have murder on her conscience. Horribly, shame causes isolation and suicidal tendencies, for it makes a person feel that they are worthless and undeserving of company.
Themes
Since Melbourne is two hours from Croydon, Magda stays with family friends, the Bartniks. Bob Bartnik—who has sons—takes Magda to Quaker meetings and talks to her about pacifism. Magda likes the Quaker meetings, but, unsatisfied spiritually and politically, she joins the Feminism Club, where she hopes to find other lesbians. When Magda appears for the first meeting, one member is wearing a pin advertising her lesbianism. Despite the club’s angry atmosphere and strict rules, it becomes a safe haven for Magda; she makes many friends, including Elaine, an eccentric girl who wears pink jumpsuits.
Magda inches closer and closer to accepting her sexuality. While still not fully ready to act on her sexuality or admit it to others, Magda puts herself in the proximity of other lesbians under the guise of having an interest in feminism. This is further proof of her tendency to conceal her true motives with behavior that passes for something society considers more acceptable.
Themes
Around this time, Magda and Helen come out to each other. Soon, Magda hears that Helen is dating Lorena, a girl on whom Magda has a crush. When Lorena asks Magda how she feels about this, Magda has nothing to say. Magda’s apathy becomes a joke, but in truth, her feelings, always bottled up, are a confused mess; she is afraid that her lesbianism will “creep out” even her feminist friends.
Magda’s suppression of her sexuality negatively affected her emotional maturity in ways that outlast her being in the closet about her sexuality. She feels that she cannot discern or properly express how she feels, even to those whom she has come out to—a state which proves that shame is still deeply ingrained in her.
Themes
At one of the Feminist Club’s “consciousness raising” meetings, Magda sits paralyzed when her turn comes to share her feelings; all she feels is the fear of someone exposing her. But when Magda confesses her sexuality to Elaine, Elaine is supportive; in fact, she worries that Magda’s “guilt complex” is excessive. When Magda has her first sexual experience with a boy, she enjoys it in a disconnected way. But the boy’s shame over his small penis cuts short her next sexual experience.
At this point, Magda’s fear of exposure is more a hollow instinct than an instinct to protect an actual secret. Many of Magda’s friends know she is gay, but Magda continues to feel guilty instinctually. Her meaningless sex with boys suggests not a cure but a reversal of guilt: while she can now outwardly present as lesbian, she is not ready to accept herself.
Themes
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Magda moves into a student flat with Italian brothers, Gianni and Sonny. She enjoys biking around and debating socialism with Sonny. When, due to her being a lazy housemate, the brothers ask her to leave, Magda moves in with Henry, a gay politico who reputedly keeps a file of “dirt” on politicians. By the end of the year, Magda has spent so much time “finding herself” that she has failed all her classes.
It becomes a pattern that Magda prioritizes her social and personal struggles above her grades. Without a solid sense of self, Magda simply cannot focus on academics. This proves that a sense of self is vital for a person to achieve success in other endeavors.
Themes
Over the summer, Peter and Margaret visit Magda, who has moved back in with the Bartniks. Her hands sweating, Magda says that she plans to drop out and start fresh next year; this way, she won’t lose her scholarships. Peter says that Magda has no discipline; playing the “cancer card,” he rubs his leg and says that he is not well. Irrationally, Magda fears that she is killing Peter, but she can’t bring herself to tell her parents the real reasons for her failure: her sexuality and her frequent suicidal thoughts. Instead, she lies and says that she already dropped out. Peter states the Szubanski mantra: “it is a sin to waste the God-given gift of a good brain.”
Peter appeals to Magda’s guilt, using language with undertones of religious condemnation. Magda’s choice to drop out is not just unwise, but rather a “sin.” What’s more, her behavior is essentially murder: it is killing Peter in his cancerous state. In using this language, Peter cultivates a sense of guilt in Magda disproportionate to what she is actually doing: dropping out of school may be irresponsible, but Magda comes to view herself as fundamentally bad because of Peter’s overreaction.
Themes
Magda gets a job at a diner frequented by the nearby train station’s colorful characters, such as Laszlo, with whom Magda discusses art and politics. One day, Gerda, a waitress, suggests over coffee that Magda take lesbianism from theory to practice; she asks if Magda will be the cherry on her Christmas pudding. Today, Magda regrets that she declined Gerda’s offer.
The fact that Magda turns down the opportunity for her first lesbian experience suggests that it is not only the world that holds her back—it’s also herself. While there is little social justice for gay people during this time, Magda’s personal shame is her biggest obstacle.
Themes
