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79. Here and Now; For My Eyes Only
Themes
Key
LitCharts assigns a color and icon to each theme in Everything, Everything, which you can use to track the themes throughout the work.
Coming of Age
Trust and Lies
Family, Abuse, and Bravery
The Value of Experience
Summary
Analysis
Maddy reads the email from Dr. Francis six times and struggles to take it in. She studies the lab results and sees that all her numbers are average, so she reasons there must’ve been a mistake. Even though she’s sure Dr. Francis isn’t right, Maddy still prints the email and test results and then spends an hour Googling the tests. She knows it’s a mistake, but she still takes the printout down to Mom. Maddy finds Mom in her bedroom, and Mom’s face lights up. She asks if Maddy came for a sleepover. Maddy doesn’t answer and instead, says that Dr. Francis thinks she’s not sick. Mom seems not to hear Maddy.
Remember that Maddy trusts her mom to always have her best interests at heart, hence her unwillingness to really entertain that Dr. Francis’s assessment is correct. Her willingness to do the research and ask Mom about it, however, speaks to the crossroads where Maddy finds herself in terms of identity. She wants to believe that Mom is still going to care for her, but she also knows now what it’s like to be independent and wants to know if that’s possible for her.
Themes
Maddy repeats herself. Mom sits down, invites Maddy to sit next to her, and softly says that it’s not true. Maddy feels safe in Mom’s arms and says she knew it was a mistake, so she didn’t get her hopes up. Tears in her eyes, Mom says that SCID is rare and complicated, and she reminds Maddy that Maddy saw firsthand when she almost died in the emergency room. She frowns and says that Dr. Francis doesn’t know Maddy’s whole history. Maddy can tell that Mom is more upset by this than she is, so she assures Mom again she didn’t believe it. Maddy leans into Mom again and Mom says twice that she had to protect Maddy. Hearing uncertainty in Mom’s voice, Maddy pulls away and goes quiet. Mom invites Maddy to stay, insisting she’ll feel better if Maddy stays, but Maddy suspects that she won’t feel better.
Pay attention to the way that Mom interacts with Maddy physically during this exchange, pulling her close and not letting her go. Even more than what she says, her physical reaction to Maddy’s desire for distance suggests that Mom doesn’t want to let go or allow Maddy to ask questions that contradict Mom’s preferred worldview. Hearing the uncertainty in Mom’s voice also reminds Maddy that Mom is never uncertain about Maddy’s condition—so maybe this uncertainty actually means something.
Themes
