All the Bright Places

Finch is standing six stories up, wondering if today is a good day to die. He asks himself this question all the time, whether he’s eating dinner or lying awake all night. Finch doesn’t remember climbing up here—but then again, he doesn’t remember anything before last Sunday. This happens “every time,” but Finch still isn’t used to blanking out like Rip Van Winkle. The last time was the worst; Finch was “asleep” (which means he was awake but “completely empty”) from the middle of November through New Year’s. He's been awake for six days. This is his first day at school since November.

Finch puts his arms out and shouts, welcoming everyone to his death. He acknowledges that one might think he should welcome people to his life, since he just woke up. But he only thinks about dying when he’s awake. Finch overbalances and almost falls but continues shouting. There are a few people below, but because it's the first week of the last semester of senior year, they don’t care about much—including Finch. To them, he’s just “Theodore Freak.”

One kid looks up and points, but not at Finch. Finch looks over and sees a girl standing on the ledge on the other side of the tower. She’s staring down, frozen. Calmly, Finch tells her not to look down. When she looks at him, he notices her chunky glasses. As she wobbles, Finch tells her that from up here, the town looks prettier. The girl’s name is Violet, and she’s extremely popular; she dates people like Ryan Cross and hangs out with Amanda Monk, a “queen bee.” She’s not the sort of person one would expect to find on the belltower ledge. 

Finch introduces himself and chats to distract Violet. He notes that it’s starting to rain—which means the rain will wash away the blood if he jumps, but he also doesn’t “want to look like [he’s] been run through the wood chipper at [his] funeral.” He says that although he wants to be cremated, Finch’s mom doesn’t believe in cremation. Privately, Finch recalls Finch’s dad saying that they didn’t need to talk about that and upset his mom. He tells Violet about how terrible the undertaker’s job would be, and just then, someone shouts Violet’s name. She begins to say, “Oh God.”

Finch shouts for Violet to stop trying to save him and then, quietly, he coaxes her over the ledge into the protected center of the belltower. Once she’s safe, Finch imagines stepping off. He imagines how peaceful and weightless he'll feel, but then Violet starts to talk him through climbing back over the railing. The urge to jump passes. Finch laughs and imagines the look on Amanda Monk’s face if he were to fall—but his laugh makes him wobble. Suddenly, Charlie Donahue, Finch’s best friend, appears in the belltower and says that the cafeteria is  serving pizza today.

From below, Finch hears Gabe Romero—Roamer—tell Finch to “get it over with.” In response, Finch shouts a thanks to Violet for saving him. He catches his counselor, Mr. Embry’s, eye below, and he allows Violet to help him over the wall. People applaud for Violet, “the hero.” Finch notices how beautiful Violet is, even with the glasses. As Violet starts to say that she didn’t climb up here to kill herself, Finch asks if she believes in “a perfect day” where nothing bad happens. She isn’t sure if she believes this, since she hasn’t experienced a perfect day before. Violet kisses Finch’s cheek, thanks him, and heads down the belltower stairs.

Then, Charlie asks Finch why he’s doing this. Finch replies that they all have to die someday, but this isn’t the real reason. His real reasons change daily: school shootings, kids dying of cancer, Finch’s dad.

Finch has been on probation this year because last year, he got in trouble: he threw a desk into a chalkboard, smashed a guitar, and got into fights. So now, he has to endure weekly counseling, keep his grades up, and join a club (he chose macramé because of the pretty girls in the club). After coming down from the belltower, Finch heads for the counseling office, and soon, Mr. Embry waves him in. Mr. Embry asks why Finch was in the belltower and whether Finch plans to hurt or kill himself. Finch jokes to avoid the questions, but Mr. Embry doesn’t laugh. Instead, he threatens to call Finch’s mom. Finch promises to behave, take a drug test, and come to counseling twice per week going forward.

This settled, Mr. Embry asks about Finch’s illness at the end of last semester, supposedly with the flu. Finch was sick—but not with the flu. He’s found that people are sympathetic if they can see what’s wrong, and he wishes he had smallpox or something visible. This would be better than the truth, which is that one minute he was fine; the next, he just shut down. But he tells Mr. Embry that he’ll stay in school and keep up with his classwork. Finch thinks that he really does want to stay alive, though Mr. Embry wouldn’t believe this if Finch were to tell him. Standing up in the belltower is actually about having control, so he doesn’t “go[] to sleep again.”